Reading the room

Leading with presence necessitates self-awareness—the ability to own all of yourself and project your strengths in an authentic way. It is also about being keenly aware of the people around you and how they are feeling.

Understanding the mood of your audience, whether you are talking to a few people in your office or a group of over one hundred in an auditorium, is crucial. To command the room you must first read the room, as Sylvia Hewlett writes, which includes, “sensing the mood, absorbing the cultural cues, and adjusting your language, content, and presentation style accordingly.”

Jill Campbell’s experiences growing up helped her respect diversity and learn to listen closely, skills she has used throughout her career. Her dad was a psychologist and a professor; his specialty was alcoholism and drug abuse. Her mom was a real estate agent and very independent. Over Christmas and Thanksgiving, lots of different people were in their home, including graduate students and recovering alcoholics. “I learned that you need to spend time with folks and hear their stories to know about them,” she told me. Those of us who did not have the exposure Jill had can develop our people skills and emotional intelligence through training and observation.

The most charismatic leaders don’t seem to be as concerned with the material they’re presenting as they are with getting to know their audiences. Jill, for one, wows her listeners because she’s focused on them—what they want and need to know. I was at a talk she gave to Women in Cable Telecommunications, and seeing her in action was a pleasure—her authenticity gives her grace and power!

“I’m not going to give the same speech to a group of women in cable, as I would to a group of male executives,” Jill explained, adding that time of day enters into it as well. “If it’s right before lunch and you see people flipping through your presentation in their meeting materials, you’re not going to cover all of it point by point.

“You have to adjust to what they are feeling and what’s happening in the room. Are they rolling their eyes? It drives me crazy when a speaker doesn’t look at body language and sticks to a canned speech, not aware of what’s going on around them.”

Kathy Murphy, president of Fidelity Personal Investing, gave this example of how she carefully read the room at a difficult juncture earlier in her career. Her business had just been acquired by ING, a multinational Dutch firm of 150,000 people worldwide. ING’s top two hundred leaders were getting together as they do each year, and Kathy was one of only seven women in the leadership group. Not only did she have to deal with being in the minority, she was also learning the international rules of the road. Oh—and she was seven months pregnant.

“One of my guideposts is that it’s often a mistake to try too hard too early,” Kathy shared. “So I sit back for a time, learn about the culture and what value I can provide, and watch things develop. I think that served me well with Europeans because I’m not perceived as self-promoting or too aggressive (the ugly American). People play into that stereotype because they try to impress too quickly.”

Kathy was promoted several times because she was able to read what was important to the board and deliver on it. She realized that ING’s board was no different than an American board—the members wanted to see results. And so she focused on producing measurable results.