第37章 ALICIA'S DIARY(12)

I told him that it was useless to dwell on what was past,that I no doubt had erred,that the remedy lay in the future and their marriage.In this he quite agreed with me,and on my informing him that M.de la Feste was at that moment with Caroline in the sacristy,he assented to my proposal that we should leave them to themselves,and return together to await them at the pension,where he had also engaged a room for me.This we did,and going up to the chamber he had chosen for me,which overlooked the Canal,I leant from the window to watch for the gondola that should contain Charles and my sister.

They were not long in coming.I recognized them by the colour of her sunshade as soon as they turned the bend on my right hand.They were side by side of necessity,but there was no conversation between them,and I thought that she looked flushed and he pale.When they were rowed in to the steps of our house he handed her up.I fancied she might have refused his assistance,but she did not.Soon I heard her pass my door,and wishing to know the result of their interview Iwent downstairs,seeing that the gondola had not put off with him.

He was turning from the door,but not towards the water,intending apparently to walk home by way of the calle which led into the Via 22Marzo.

'Has she forgiven you?'said I.

'I have not asked her,'he said.

'But you are bound to do so,'I told him.

He paused,and then said,'Alicia,let us understand each other.Do you mean to tell me,once for all,that if your sister is willing to become my wife you absolutely make way for her,and will not entertain any thought of what I suggested to you any more?'

'I do tell you so,'said I with dry lips.'You belong to her--how can I do otherwise?'

'Yes;it is so;it is purely a question of honour,'he returned.

'Very well then,honour shall be my word,and not my love.I will put the question to her frankly;if she says yes,the marriage shall be.But not here.It shall be at your own house in England.'

'When?'said I.

'I will accompany her there,'he replied,'and it shall be within a week of her return.I have nothing to gain by delay.But I will not answer for the consequences.'

'What do you mean?'said I.He made no reply,went away,and I came back to my room.

CHAPTER IX.--SHE WITNESSES THE END

April 20.Milan,10.30p.m.--We are thus far on our way homeward.

I,being decidedly de trop,travel apart from the rest as much as Ican.Having dined at the hotel here,I went out by myself;regardless of the proprieties,for I could not stay in.I walked at a leisurely pace along the Via Allesandro Manzoni till my eye was caught by the grand Galleria Vittorio Emanuele,and I entered under the high glass arcades till I reached the central octagon,where Isat down on one of a group of chairs placed there.Becoming accustomed to the stream of promenaders,I soon observed,seated on the chairs opposite,Caroline and Charles.This was the first occasion on which I had seen them en tete-a-tete since my conversation with him.She soon caught sight of me;averted her eyes;then,apparently abandoning herself to an impulse,she jumped up from her seat and came across to me.We had not spoken to each other since the meeting in Venice.

'Alicia,'she said,sitting down by my side,'Charles asks me to forgive you,and I do forgive you.'

I pressed her hand,with tears in my eyes,and said,'And do you forgive him?'

'Yes,'said she,shyly.

'And what's the result?'said I.

'We are to be married directly we reach home.'This was almost the whole of our conversation;she walked home with me,Charles following a little way behind,though she kept turning her head,as if anxious that he should overtake us.'Honour and not love'seemed to ring in my ears.So matters stand.Caroline is again happy.

April 25.--We have reached home,Charles with us.Events are now moving in silent speed,almost with velocity,indeed;and I sometimes feel oppressed by the strange and preternatural ease which seems to accompany their flow.Charles is staying at the neighbouring town;he is only waiting for the marriage licence;when obtained he is to come here,be quietly married to her,and carry her off.It is rather resignation than content which sits on his face;but he has not spoken a word more to me on the burning subject,or deviated one hair's breadth from the course he laid down.They may be happy in time to come:I hope so.But I cannot shake off depression.

May 6.--Eve of the wedding.Caroline is serenely happy,though not blithe.But there is nothing to excite anxiety about her.I wish Icould say the same of him.He comes and goes like a ghost,and yet nobody seems to observe this strangeness in his mien.

I could not help being here for the ceremony;but my absence would have resulted in less disquiet on his part,I believe.However,Imay be wrong in attributing causes:my father simply says that Charles and Caroline have as good a chance of being happy as other people.Well,to-morrow settles all.

May 7.--They are married:we have just returned from church.

Charles looked so pale this morning that my father asked him if he was ill.He said,'No:only a slight headache;'and we started for the church.

There was no hitch or hindrance;and the thing is done.

4p.m.--They ought to have set out on their journey by this time;but there is an unaccountable delay.Charles went out half-an-hour ago,and has not yet returned.Caroline is waiting in the hall;but I am dreadfully afraid they will miss the train.I suppose the trifling hindrance is of no account;and yet I am full of misgivings ...

Sept.14.--Four months have passed;ONLY four months!It seems like years.Can it be that only seventeen weeks ago I set on this paper the fact of their marriage?I am now an aged woman by comparison!