I will not conceal from you that I am playing a daring game,and it is very possible that when I least expect it I may be seized,tied to the tail of a mule,and dragged either to the prison of Toledo or Madrid.Yet such a prospect does not discourage me in the least,but rather urges me on to persevere;for I assure you -and in this assertion there lurks not the slightest desire to magnify myself and produce an effect -that I am eager to lay down my life in this cause,and whether a Carlist's bullet or the jail-fever bring my career to an end,I am perfectly indifferent.But I have other matters now to speak of.
You hint that a desire is entertained at home to have a personal conference with me.In the name of the Highest I entreat you all to banish such a preposterous idea.A journey home (provided you intend that I should return to Spain)could lead to no result but expense and the loss of precious time.I have nothing to explain to you which you are not already perfectly well acquainted with by my late letters.I was fully aware at the time I was writing them that I should afford you little satisfaction,for the plain unvarnished truth is seldom agreeable.But I now repeat,and these are perhaps among the last words which I shall ever be permitted to pen,that I cannot approve,and I am sure no Christian can,of the system which has lately been pursued in the large sea-port cities of Spain,and which the Bible Society has been supposed to sanction,notwithstanding the most unreflecting person could easily foresee that such a line of conduct could produce nothing in the end but obloquy and misfortune.
It was unkind and unjust to taunt me with having been unsuccessful in distributing the Scriptures.Allow me to state that no other person under the same circumstances would have distributed the tenth part.Yet had I been utterly unsuccessful,it would have been wrong to check me with being so,after all I have undergone -and with how little of that are you acquainted.You are perfectly correct in concluding that certain persons are laughing in their sleeve.But at what?At the success of their own machinations?
Not at all!They are laughing at the inconceivable fatuity which induces those whom THEY ONCE DREADED to destroy themselves and their own labours.The stone with immense toil is rolled up to the brow of the mountain,when they see it recoil,not at the touch of Jupiter but at the impulse of the insane Sisyphus,who pulls it down on his own body.With common sense and prudence very much might have been accomplished in Spain,and still may.I am sorry to say that hitherto very little of [that]has been used.
You are surprised that I should presume to hint that I have been linked to G.[Graydon],but at the same time admit that my identification with him by my enemies has been unavoidable.Now in the name of all that is reasonable,to what does such an admission amount but that I have been linked to this man,and it matters very little whether or not I have been brought into personal contact with him.But now farewell to him:and in taking leave of this subject,I will add that the unfortunate M.[Marin]is dying of a galloping consumption,brought on by distress of mind.All the medicine in the world would not accomplish his cure.
With God's permission I will write again in a few days and till then,I remain,Revd.and dear Sir,most truly yours,GEORGE BORROW.