第18章

"YEA, AND HIS OWN LIFE ALSO"

When Helen entered her own room she had leisure to analyse the tumult of emotion filling her heart.Amazement, shame, anger, dismay, grief, were surging across her soul.

"How can he think of leaving his mother? It is a shame!" she cried indignantly to herself.But why this hot sense of shame? "Nonsense!"she protested vehemently to herself, "it is that poor, dear old lady I am thinking of." She remembered that sudden stab at her heart at the old lady's broken words, "He will be going away, lassie," and her cheek flamed hot again."It is all nonsense," she repeated angrily, and there being no one to contradict her, she said it again with even greater emphasis.But suddenly she sat down, and before long she found herself smiling at the memory of the old lady's proud cry, "Could not? Ay, he could." And now she knew why her heart was so full of happy pride.It was for Shock.He was a man strong enough to see his duty and brave enough to face what to him was the bitterness of death, for well she knew what his mother was to him.

"He will go," she whispered to her looking-glass, "and I'd go with him to-morrow.But"--and her race flamed hot--"he must never know."But he did come to know, to his own great amazement and overwhelming, humbling gladness.

Shock's determination to offer himself to the far West awakened in his friends various emotions.

"It is just another instance of how religious fanaticism will lead men to the most fantastic and selfish acts," was Mrs.Fairbanks'

verdict, which effected in Brown a swift conversion.Hitherto he had striven with might and main to turn Shock from his purpose, using any and every argument, fair or unfair, to persuade him that his work lay where it had been begun, in the city wards.He was the more urged to this course that he had shrewdly guessed Helen's secret, so sacredly guarded.But on hearing Mrs.Fairbanks' exclamation, he at once plunged into a warm defence of his friend's course.

"The finest thing I ever heard of," he declared."No one knows what these two are to each other, and yet there they are, both of them, arriving at the opinion that Shock's work lies in the West.""But to leave his mother alone!" exclaimed Mrs.Fairbanks indignantly.

"She is not to be alone," said Brown, making there and then a sudden resolve."By the greatest of luck for me I am turned out of my quarters, and she is to take me in, and while I can't fill Shock's place, still I am somebody," added Brown, fervently hoping the old lady would not refuse him shelter.

"I am not sure that a man is ever called to leave his mother to the care of strangers," said Lloyd, who, after long indecision and much consultation with various friends, had determined that his particular gifts and training fitted him for Park Church.

"Oh! blank it all!" said Brown to Helen, "I can't stand that rot!""I beg your pardon," said Mrs.Fairbanks, looking haughtily at Brown through her glasses.

"I was about to say," replied Brown, in the sweetest of tones, "that if these two who are most interested, and who are extremely sane and reasonable persons, have come to an agreement upon a question, I'd bank on that decision as being about the thing." At which Helen gave his arm a quick squeeze.

"Well, mother," said Betty, "I think he's fine, and I never admired him so much as now.You know he may never see her again, and she has the whole of his heart.""Not quite, I guess," said Brown in a low tone to Helen, who, blushing vividly, replied in like tone, "You seem to be remarkably well informed.""I know," said Brown confidently."But he is a mine of blind stupidity! If some one would dig him up, explore him--blast him, in short! Confound him!"But when the Superintendent learned of all that Shock's decision involved, he made a point to insert among his multitudinous engagements a visit to the Macgregor cottage.

"It was a great scene, I assure you," said Brown, who was describing it afterwards to the young ladies.

"Those two old Spartans, all ice and granite outside, all molten lava within, stood up looking at each other a minute or two without the quiver of an eyelid and then the old chief burred out:""'You are to be congratulated upon your son, Mrs.Macgregor.'""'Ay,' said she in a matter of fact tone, 'he will be doing his duty, I warrant.'""'And, believe me, your mutual sacrifice has not been unnoticed.'""'It is not great beside His own, but it iss all we could.It iss our life.'""The old chap bowed like a prince and then his voice burred like a buzz saw as he answered, 'Remember I did not ask you for him!'""'No, it wass not you.'"

"'But I want to tell you,' said the chief, 'I am proud to get a son who for the Cause can forsake such a mother, and I thank God for the mother that can give up such a son.'""And then he gripped her hand with that downward pull of his,--he gave it to me once when he heard I was Shock's friend, and nearly jerked me off my feet,--and without more words he was gone, while Istood behind them like a blubbering idiot.""Oh, isn't she a dear!" exclaimed Betty, "poor thing.""Poor thing!" echoed Helen warmly, "indeed she doesn't think so.

She's as proud of him as she can be, and feels herself rich in his love; and so she is."Her tone and manner struck Brown with sudden pity.

"Hang his stupidity!" he said to himself, "can't the old bloke see.