第9章 What Motherhood Really Means 母性的真谛

Anonymous

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对她来说，自己现在如此重要的生命，将随着孩子的降生而变得不那么宝贵。

为了救自己的孩子，她时刻都愿意献出自己的生命。

但她也开始希望多活一些年头，当然不是为了实现自己的梦想，而是看着她的孩子们实现自己的梦想。

Time is running out for my friend.While we are sitting at lunch，she casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of'starting a family'.What she means is that her biological clock has begun its countdown and she is being forced to consider the prospect of motherhood.

'We're taking a survey，'she says，half joking，'Do you think I should have a baby？'

'It will change your life.'I say carefully，keeping my tone neutral1.'I know，'she says.'No more sleeping on Saturdays，no more spontaneous2 vacations……'

But that is not what I mean at all.I try to decide what to tell her.I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes：that the physical wounds of childbearing heal，but that becoming a mother will leave an emotional wound so raw that she will be vulnerable3 forever.

I consider warning her that she will never read a newspaper again without asking，'What if4 that had been my child？'That every plane crash，every fire，will haunt5 her.That when she sees pictures of starving children，she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.I look at her manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated6 she is，becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.That an urgent call of'Mommy'will cause her to drop her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career，she will be professionally derailed7 by motherhood.She might arrange for childcare，but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think about her baby's sweet smell.She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home，just to make sure her child is all right.

I want my friend to know that everyday's decisions will no longer be routine.That a 5-year-old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at a restaurant will become a major dilemma8.The issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in the rest room.However decisive she may be at the office，she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive friend，I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy，but she will never feel the same about herself.That her life，now so important，will be of less value to her once she has a child.That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring，but will also begin to hope for more years—not to accomplish her own dreams，but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration9 of seeing your child learn to hit a baseball.I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time.I want her to taste the joy that is so real it hurts.

My friend's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.'You'll never regret it，'I say finally.Then，squeezing my friend's hand，I offer a prayer for her for me and all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this holiest of callings.

My friend's relationship with her husband will change，but not in the way she thinks.I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is always careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his son or daughter.I think she should know that she will fall in love with her husband again for reasons she now finds very unromantic.

时光飞逝，朋友已经老大不小了。我们坐在一起吃午饭的时候，她漫不经心地提到她和她的丈夫正考虑要个小孩。她这样说，自己的年龄确实不小了，所以她不得不考虑把当妈妈的事提上日程了。

“我们正在做一项调查，”她半开玩笑地说，“你觉得我应该要个小孩吗？”

“这将改变你的生活。”我小心翼翼地说道，尽量保持客观，不让语气中带上个人色彩。“这我知道，”她答道，“周末再也睡不成懒觉，再也不能随心所欲地休假了……”

但我要说的绝非这些。我注视着朋友，试图整理一下自己的思路。我想让她知道那些她永远不可能在分娩课上学到的东西。我想让她知道：生孩子时留下的有形伤疤可以愈合，但是做母亲所带来的情感伤痕却会永远如新，从此之后，她会变得十分脆弱。

我想告诫她，做了母亲之后，每当她看报纸时就会情不自禁地产生联想：“如果这件事情发生在我孩子的身上将会怎样啊？”每一次飞机失事、每一场住宅引发火灾都会让她提心吊胆。看到那些忍饥挨饿的孩子们的照片时，她就会思索：世界上还有什么比眼睁睁地看着自己的孩子死去更悲惨的事情呢？我打量着她精修细剪的指甲和时尚前卫的套装，心里想到，不管她现在打扮得多么考究，而一旦做了母亲以后，她就会变得像护崽的熊妈妈那样原始且不修边幅。

我觉得，我应当提醒她，无论她在自己的职业上投入多少年，可一旦她成为母亲，工作就会脱离正常的轨道。当然她可以安排别人帮忙照料孩子，但说不准有一天，她去参加一个重要的商务会议时，会突然之间想起她的宝宝身上散发出的乳香。此时，她不得不竭力克制自己，才不至于为了看看她的孩子一切安然无恙而中途跑回家去。

我想让我的朋友知道，有了孩子以后，她将再也不能按照惯例做出决策。在餐厅里，她那5岁的小男孩想去男厕，而不愿进女厕将成为摆在她面前的一大难题。她将会进行一番权衡：是尊重孩子的独立和性别意识呢，还是答应让他进男厕，却要冒着被厕所里面潜在的儿童性骚扰者侵害的危险？但是，不管在办公室她是如何的果断，作为母亲，她仍会经常后悔自己当时的决定。

注视着我的这位漂亮的朋友，我想让她清楚地知道，她最终将摆脱掉怀孕时所增长的重量，但是她对自己的感觉却绝不会跟以前一样了。对她来说，自己现在如此重要的生命，将随着孩子的降生而变得不那么宝贵。为了救自己的孩子，她时刻都愿意献出自己的生命。但她也开始希望多活一些年头，当然不是为了实现自己的梦想，而是看着她的孩子们实现自己的梦想。

我想给我的朋友形容一下看到自己的孩子学会击棒球时的兴奋之情。我想让她留意观察她的小宝宝在第一次触摸狗的绒毛时的捧腹大笑。我希望她能品尝到喜悦，尽管它们真实的令人心痛。

我朋友惊奇的表情让我意识到，自己此刻已是热泪盈眶。“你永远不会后悔做这个决定的，”我最后说道。然后，我紧紧地握着朋友的手，为她，为我自己，也为所有那些为响应母亲这个最神圣职业的召唤而艰难跋涉的平凡的女性们献上了自己的祈祷。

我朋友与她丈夫的关系会有所改变，但不是她之前想象的那样。我希望她能够理解，如果他的丈夫总是能格外小心地给宝宝喂奶粉或是毫不犹豫地与他的儿子或女儿一块玩耍，她会有多么地爱他。我想我应该告诉她，她会因为那些在现在看来绝无浪漫可言的理由而再一次爱上她的丈夫。

生词与短语 New Words and Expressions

1.neutral adj.中立的，不偏不倚的

2.spontaneous adj.自发的

3.vulnerable adj.易受伤的，脆弱的

4.What if：如果……将会怎么样

5.haunt v.使苦恼；常出没于

6.sophisticated adj.高雅的，精致的

7.derail v.使脱离轨道

8.dilemma n.（进退两难的）窘境，困境

9.exhilaration n.兴奋，喜悦

妙语连珠：Beautiful Sentences

1）……that the physical wounds of childbearing heal，but that becoming a mother will leave an emotional wound so raw that she will be vulnerable forever.

生孩子时留下的的有形伤疤可以愈合，但是做母亲所带来的情感伤痕却会永远如新，从此之后，她会变得十分脆弱。

2）……no matter how sophisticated she is，becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

不管她现在打扮得多么考究，而一旦做了母亲以后，她就会变得像护崽的熊妈妈那样原始且不修边幅。

心灵感悟：

其实，每位母亲都曾是位美丽的天使，可一旦有了孩子之后，就将自己的羽翼锁进了箱子里永不开启。