第2章 逆向叙述

对撒谎者最好的报复，就是让他相信你真的信了他的谎言。

当我们打算做一件我们潜意识里知道注定要失败的事情时，就会征询别人的建议，这样就可以把失败怪罪到别人头上。

当你真心想说“不”的时候，就会更难说出口。

如果你说“不”是认真的，就用不着再说第二次。

对你名誉损害最大的是你为了维护它而说的话。

当一个人开始谈论衰老的时候，他就真的开始老了。

他们会羡慕你的成功、你的财富、你的聪明、你的相貌、你的地位——但是很少有人会羡慕你的智慧。

人们所谓的“谦逊”，其实通常都是掩饰得比较成功的傲慢。

如果你想让人们读某一本书，告诉他们它名不副实。

只有当他们开始对你展开人身攻击时，你才算是赢得了一场争论。

没有什么比“临时”的安排、赤字、休战和情感关系更加恒久，没有什么比“恒久”的这些东西更加临时。

让我们最痛苦的，不是跟没意思的人在一起，而是跟努力表现得有意思的没意思的人在一起。恨是某一行代码出了错误的爱，这错误可以改正，但很难寻找。

假如我的某个死敌发现我恨的是另一个人，我不知道他是不是会感到嫉妒。

失败者的特点是会抱怨人类的缺陷、偏见、自相矛盾和缺乏理智，但又不利用这些东西追求自己的欢乐和利益。

你是否真的喜欢一本书，判断标准是你是否会重读它（以及重读了多少遍）；你是否真的喜欢一个人的陪伴，判断标准是你是否愿意再次遇见他——剩下的都是空话，或者那种现在被称为“自尊”的情绪。

我们会问“他为什么富有（或是贫穷）”，而不是“他为什么不更富有（或是更贫穷）”；我们会问“为什么危机如此深重”，而不是“为什么危机不更加深重”。

恨远比爱更不容易伪造。你听说过虚假的爱，但还没听说过虚假的恨。

男子气概的反义词不是怯懦，而是科技。

一般来说，所谓“好的倾听者”其实对他们倾听的内容漠不关心，只不过他们擅长掩盖这种漠不关心。

正是人们表现出来的自相矛盾之处让他们富有魅力。

你记得住自己发出去却没收到回复的邮件，却记不住自己收到了而没有回复的邮件。

人们会把恭维之词留给那些对他们的骄傲感没有威胁的人；至于那些威胁到他们骄傲感的人，他们会用“骄傲”来评价。

从古罗马的老加图开始，人们一直通过斥责下一代人的“浅薄”、赞扬上一辈人的“价值”来表现自己的成熟。

要忍住不给别人提出锻炼和保健方面的建议，简直跟自己坚持锻炼一样难。

表扬一个人没有缺点的时候，你也在指出他没有优点。

当她嚷嚷着无法原谅你做的事情的时候，她已经开始原谅你了。

只有当你很容易感到厌倦的时候，缺乏想象力才算是个问题。

那些把自己当做世界中心的人，我们称之为自恋者；那些把自己和另一个人当做世界中心的人，我们称做情人。

从来都不是可以被宣告结束的，如果是这样，其中至少有一个人是愚人。

绝大多数人害怕失去视听刺激，因为当他们自己去思考和想象时，总是在重复同样的内容。

没有回报的恨远比没有回报的爱更能让人显得渺小。

对于有同情心的人来说，用新的悲哀来替换旧的悲哀，远比用快乐替换悲哀要容易。

年轻人的智慧跟老人的轻佻一样不讨人喜欢。

有些人只有在试图表现得严肃的时候才显得滑稽。

谈话时，要忍住不把秘密说出来是很难的，仿佛信息具有生存的欲望和繁殖的能力。

COUNTER NARRATIVES

The best revenge on a liar is to convince him that you believe what he said.

When we want to do something while unconsciously certain to fail，we seek advice so we can blame someone else for the failure.

It is harder to say no when you really mean it than when you don‘t.

Never say no twice if you mean it.

Your reputation is harmed the most by what you say to defend it.

The only objective definition of aging is when a person starts to talk about aging.

They will envy you for your success，for your wealth，for your intelligence，for your looks，for your status ——but rarely for your wisdom.

Most of what they call humility is successfully disguised arrogance.

If you want people to read a book，tell them it is overrated.

You never win an argument until they attack your person.

Nothing is more permanent than “temporary”arrangements，deficits，truces，and relationships；and nothing is more temporary than “permanent”ones.

The most painful moments are not those we spend with uninteresting people；rather，they are those spent with uninteresting people trying hard to be interesting.

Hatred is love with a typo somewhere in the computer code，correctable but very hard to find.

I wonder whether a bitter enemy would be jealous if he discovered that I hated someone else.

The characteristic feature of the loser is to bemoan，in general terms，mankind’s flaws，biases，contradictions，and irrationality——without exploiting them for fun and profit.

The test of whether you really liked a book is if you reread it (and how many times)；the test of whether you really liked someone‘s company is if you are ready to meet him again and again——the rest is spin，or that variety of sentiment now called self-esteem.

We ask “why is he rich (or poor)”not “why isn’t he richer (or poorer)”；“why is the crisis so deep”not “why isn‘t it deeper”.

Hatred is much harder to fake than love.You hear of fake love；never of fake hate.

The opposite of manliness isn’t cowardice；it‘s technology

Usually，what we call “good listener”is someone with skillfully polished indifference.

It is the appearance of inconsistency，and not its absence，that makes people attractive.

You remember emails you sent that were not answered better than emails that you did not answer.

People reserve standard compliments for those who do not threaten their pride；the others they often praise by calling “arrogant”.

Since Cato the Elder，a certain type of maturity has shown up when one starts blaming the new generation for “shallowness”and praising the previous one for its “values”.

It is as difficult to avoid bugging others with advice on how to exercise and other health matters as it is to stick to an exercise schedule.

By praising someone for his lack of defects you are also implying his lack of virtues.

When she shouts that what you did was unforgivable，she has already started to forgive you.

Being unimaginative is only a problem when you are easily bored.

We call narcissistic those individuals who behave as if they were the central residents of the world；those who do exactly the same in a set of two we call lovers.

Friendship that ends was never one；there was at least one sucker in it.

Most people fear being without audiovisual stimulation because they are too repetitive when they think and imagine things on their own.

Unrequited hate is vastly more diminishing for the self than unrequited love.You can’t react by reciprocating.

For the compassionate，sorrow is more easily displaced by another sorrow，than by joy.

Wisdom in the young is as unattractive as frivolity in the elderly.

Some people are only funny when they try to be serious.

It is difficult to stop the impulse to reveal secrets in conversation，as if information had the desire to live and the power to multiply.